j3ss1c4_hahaha

mood: worried

music: Sun--Mae

i went to see brandon today. he wasn't doing too well. it's the first time i've seen him show any emotion besides indifference, or perhaps occasionally, anger. the whole time he looked like he was about to cry...and was trying so hard not to let that show. his court date is on thursday, and friday he's going to placement. i'm so worried about him. i kept trying to make him laugh, but all i got was a smile or two. which is a lot better than nothing. but still...when he gets like this...it's really bad for him. he cuts himself all up (more than usual). he still has this awful scar from when he cut so deep you could see his vein. all i want is for him to get better. period.
but sometimes i wonder if he wants to get better.
it never seems like he's trying.
but maybe he doesn't know how.
maybe whatever's wrong with him prevents it.

with all my heart, i wish it were me instead of him.
nobody deserves this.
he's being attacked from the inside. and i can't protect him.